“Our body is not a nonsense from which we fight to free ourselves… from which we learn to feel, to move, to smell, to touch, to listen, to be hungry and to love.”
~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Women who run with the wolves.
Dear ladies,
We challenge ourselves to improve every area of ​​our lives, but we often invite people into our space who “just happen” to us. Question: How do we spot the casual behavior of a potential suitor, business partner, or friend?
Every week, I recite the Dr. Pinkola-Estes quote to myself for a couple of reasons. One, it’s powerful. Two, she talks a lot about the emotional struggles of women in pursuit of education, personal freedoms, and independence.
Jim Rohn, (1930-2009), one of the world’s ancient masters of communication, once said, “To communicate well, don’t treat conversations (or people) casually.” Rohn referred to the word ‘accidentally’ which means without sufficient care. He said: “Chance brings casualties to the conversation.” Think about that point. Rohn also noted the importance of communication. He said: “Everything we feel and have to say is important, so why would anyone feel comfortable treating someone else casually?”
The connection
As a woman, I think about where we (women) come from and what we have gone through to position ourselves where we are today. I’m sure you’re aware of other women’s hustles because you can relate to how demanding our promotions as the world’s first masters can be. So when a man decides to treat a woman casually, she is called upon to pause and ask, what is her intention? If not to aspire together, allowing both people to differentiate and support their growth, and breathe life into each other, your intention might be to fulfill your own personal agenda for now.
How do you recognize casual behavior? Especially if it’s beautifully masked in random acts of kindness and thoughtfulness. I have provided some examples of informal dealing below:
Examples of informal treatment
(1) Professional Relationship
Kelly Ripa was informed by the media that Michael Strahan, her co-star on Live with Kelly and Michael, has accepted a new position at another network. Ripa felt betrayed and hurt; The entire scenario highlighted the importance of communication, consideration, and most importantly, respect in the workplace. Her responses below captured her disappointment:
“Sometimes when you’re so comfortable with someone, you might not give them the same consideration as someone you’re not as comfortable with — a certain formality is lost.” (Also a personal example)
“Finding the perfect chemistry, camaraderie and trust isn’t easy; it doesn’t fall out of the blue. It takes work and (group) discussion.”
(2) Personal relationship
The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date, is casual dealings. This is done in the hope that the person will simply “take the hint” and leave the subject alone rather than the subject respectfully communicating that he is no longer interested. In addition to dating, this type of casual behavior is also seen in friendships.
So why do people treat people with indifference when the alternative is easier? Most people don’t expect difficult conversations. It is natural for us to avoid conflict as it reinforces anxiety and avoidance is the short cut with the fewest obstacles. But only for the moment. Casual dealings can lead to bigger confrontations down the road and are likely to cause anger and hurt in the recipient.
What if we choose the alternative and give that person attention and a direct response? By working to overcome the fear of conflict, we can reduce anxiety and develop our courage and communication skills that are important in our relationships. By avoiding casual dealings, we can prevent casualties.
(3) Divorce/Custody
*Mary went to court to get custody of her children. Instead of sharing the sacrifices she made as a mother for her children, Mary pointed the finger at the ex-husband’s aggressive behavior as he shared how he cared for her children as a father. Due to her casual treatment of her ex-husband, Mary nearly lost custody of the children. The judge sent both of them a clear message:
“You two need to learn to communicate better with each other. I can only imagine what your conversations are like at home, based on the way you presented yourself today. Fix the communication and start raising these kids.”
Tips to consider
Keep in mind ladies, your life is important. You are a woman of integrity and deep feelings, perfection is not required. We have a responsibility to treat each other well, yes. We also have a responsibility to treat other people with respect. Your fight may not be other people’s fight, but they are human. As the scripture says in Matthew 7:12, “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” And after fighting all your life for the right to feel, to move, to smell, to touch, to listen, to hunger and to love, put some respect to that routine. Chance brings casualties.
Think about the impact of that quote.
Here are 5 tips for spotting casual dealing:
1. Feel the energy around you.
2. Be present. Listen to what the recipient says and doesn’t say.
3. Ask the right questions to determine an agenda.
4. Don’t confuse courtesy with interest.
5. Have compassion and draw a line.
Gentlemen, women face many life challenges at home, at work, in general, and personally. Don’t bring us down any more with casual behavior. It is messy, inconsiderate and reveals the shadow of your character. Don’t be messy. Dr. Maya Angelou once said, “Don’t mess around and mess around” with people’s lives. If you can’t treat them decently, apologize and take your mess away because no one has time for that. Communication is a two-way street. “Any good thing we build ends up building us.” (J. Rohn) Let us consider how our communication choices impact our lives and the lives of those around us. Informal treatment is an unhealthy form of communication. And, casual dealing could be a matter of life and death.
Note:
Think about why this message might be important to your life right now.
Clarissa’s quote and Jim’s message brought the meaning of communication to another level.
*Name change to protect identity.
