This is a problem that is probably as old as time. Adult children do not always choose their parents as a partner. shakespeare made him immortal in Romeo and Juliet. A central theme in the Broadway music, Fiddler on the Roof, and the current television drama, Downton AB, is the original generation’s struggle to accept the choices of their adult children. I know, a Nyandrathal woman had a fight over her choice of the Crowmon boy with her father. (“Dad: he’s so smart and he’s so tall!”) But while it may be a universal and timeless theme to come home to, it’s painful. Here are just a few examples of our “Ask the Doctor” service:
In Boston, a 25-year-old man says, “I’m stuck between my mom and my wife.” – “My Chinese mother expects my wife to obey her and when she does, her mother-in-law expects her to. My wife works all day and she doesn’t see why my mom can’t make dinner OR when she leaves why can he help her, my mom complains constantly, my wife cries, what should I do?
a young man in Florida writes: “My wife is Latina and I am white. Every time we go, my father goes beyond illegal immigration. My mother can’t stop her. When we go home we fight because she says I should stop it, but I don’t know any”. which I can tell she’s going to change. Aid!”
“My lover and I want to get married but we are from different ethnic groups and we know our parents will never agree. We secretly see each other for 4 years.” – A young man in Serbia From the woman
Like the authors of these letters, you are in love, you are in love. Like them, you want your parents to love and admire the person you choose. Instead, they cannot see behind their traditions, values, or prejudices. They don’t see your boyfriend or husband for the wonderful person that he is. They are all wrong, with Capital W. You feel caught between them. You love and, yes, you respect your parents, but you also love and appreciate your partner.
It is important to bridge the divide. If you and the person you prefer, it is not clear what your commitment and agreement is, what you are willing to be together, the continuous rejection, if the surface or seat below the surface can weaken your relationship. it is. The son of the parents who refuses is trapped in a terrible dam. Listen and respond to either side, leave the other, feel ignored or humiliated. The person who is the center of dislikes may feel incessantly or under pressure to prove their worth. If it is not wanted, the efforts soon become angry and the anger spreads in relationships.
Fortunately, there is a less rigorous solution than the romantic death scene in Romeo and Juliet. Like Robert in Fidler, Tevye or Downton Abbey, there are parents who finally accept the choices of their adult children and even bless them. But it takes work and desire. It doesn’t happen with magic or logic.
Don and Dos to not close the gap:
Don’t respond to criticism with criticism. Your parents’ values, traditions, and sentiments have helped you create who you are. They are likely to be a guiding light for generations and are the center of your family’s identity. Keeping family history down low is neither honest nor helpful. be very kind. The older generation sticks to their views and ideas because it helps them feel secure in the changing world. Your intentions are probably good. Find ways to reassure your family of origin that you appreciate and respect their past while becoming part of the global community involving people from other walks of life.
Do not meet parental rejection with defense and logic. Protection implies that there is something to rescue. To argue means to argue with you. Respond to their concerns with respect and clarity. Accept that a cross-cultural marriage is becoming difficult. Express your sadness because they feel the way they do. Confirm your love for them and your overall honor for their thoughts, but be clear that you have made your decision. Peace is definitely more effective than angry words.
Don’t make your relationship a secret. Keeping it a secret reveals that you are ashamed of your choice. Someone will inevitably know, so everyone in the family will be upset and upset with both of them. Make sure you both agree to the agreement to stay together. Make sure you are safe. There is nothing wrong with dealing with your parents which is not the ultimate.
Do not use your partner to educate your partner, educate your parents or become a partner. It is not appropriate for a person who wants to use you as a wing in your ongoing fight over things like religion, caste, or the situation with your parents.
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