Breakups are hard and they hurt. But the culture and our friends tell us that if we fall off the horse, we have to get up and get back on. So what do we do now? Our friends drag us to clubs and parties trying to find the next Mr. Perfect. Why do we think that when a relationship ends, we have to start over and find another?
It becomes an endless cycle of failed relationships that can only be stopped if you get off the ride and take the time to evaluate them. If you have been through a series of failed relationships, you must face the fact that they all have a common denominator and that is you.
Your relationships end the same way because you have created a pattern. You start the relationship the same way; you behave the same way throughout the relationship until it eventually ends the same way. You seem to think that just because you have a new partner, you will have a different kind of relationship. That’s like thinking that buying a new baseball bat will make you a better hitter. It does not work like that.
What you need to do is sit back and think about why your relationships failed. It doesn’t have to be a deep philosophical awakening. Just be honest with yourself. If it ended because they had nothing in common except their lust for each other, that’s a very good point to consider. If it ended because he said you were too nagging, that’s another good point to consider.
Keep thinking about the bad things about relationships and write them down. Knowing all the people you’ve been out with in a bar says a lot about the type of person and the relationship you’ll have. Think about the type of person you would like to date. Perhaps the first change is to meet people in places other than bars.
If all of your past relationships seem to be based on sex, maybe you should start meeting people you have similar interests with so you can be more on the same page and get more mental stimulation or have fun with a good sense of humor. Both are important for a long-term relationship.
Relationships are work. Even non-romantic relationships, such as friendships, business associates, and those with family members, need some degree of management to keep them healthy and successful. If you’ve noticed that you nag or have other undesirable characteristics, work on that and become a better person.
You can get off the merry-go-round of the relationship if you really want to. Take time between relationships to learn from mistakes. Don’t ever jump in or let lust be your guide because it seems like the right thing to do. Look for partners who are on your same mental level and share your same sense of humor. You can make your relationships more successful.
