Have you ever thought about the number of times in your life as a child and as an adult that you were reprimanded/punished for doing the wrong thing, the right thing in the wrong way, or for being late? Also, how many times were you praised/rewarded for doing the right thing the right way and getting ahead or being on time? If, like most of us, you experienced punishment far more often than you received praise. The emphasis was on accentuating the negative, not accentuating the positive. Poor performance was not expected and was unacceptable; good performance was expected as well as taken for granted. The mindset was, and still is, why praise/reward good performance when good performance is expected?
But it was not always like this. When your parents emphasized the positive, you weren’t old enough to develop a long-term memory of the experiences. However, they accentuated the positive aspects. Just imagine the laughter of your parents, the signs of joy and happiness on their faces and the warm hugs you received when you first said “mommy”, “dad”, “ball”, “dog” and “cat”.
They also stimulated their curiosity by waving or hanging colorful birds, clowns and other things over their baby’s bed; and they praised/rewarded your curiosity, your observation and your reach. Usually your parents were coaching and encouraging you to do the things they praised/rewarded. They were actually using a process called “casting.”
As a child, you were not capable of getting into much trouble. But, from time to time, she was presented with a simple NO, a word that is likely to be uttered more and more harshly as she gets older.
Your parents marveled at each of your new behaviors and your growing curiosity, but not forever. Two personal developments on her part, learning to crawl and walk, along with her growing curiosity, were some of the things that led her parents to emphasize the negatives, not the positives. Your simple curiosity-driven acts, such as emptying kitchen cabinets and drawers, eating from the dog or cat bowl, climbing on furniture, and removing plants from their pots, led your parents to use more and more “NO”, “FOR THAT” and “NOW YOU’VE DONE IT” — they all said without joy or happiness. These may have been accompanied by a blow to his rear. All of this punishment was meant to stop the undesirable behavior. Rarely have parents made it a practice to catch older children doing something right and immediately reward them for doing the right thing, accentuating the positive.
From childhood to adulthood, your personal development and personal growth have been subject to a powerful principle of behavior change… “Behavior is a function of its consequence.” Generally, when a specific behavior is immediately followed by a punitive experience, the behavior is unlikely to be repeated; when a behavior is immediately followed by a rewarding experience, it is more likely to be repeated.
Changing someone’s behavior, especially if they are performing new or complex cognitive or manual tasks, is best accomplished through a process called “shaping.” “Shaping” involves, at first, positively praising/rewarding behavior that comes close to the desired behavior. The “shaping” process continues to selectively praise/reward only those subsequent behaviors that come closer and closer to the desired behavior that performs the task correctly. The “molding” process accentuates the positive. That means praising/rewarding only those behaviors that get closer and closer to the desired behavior until it is performed correctly and their performance can be enhanced with praise/rewards.
By “shaping”, errors and false starts are not accentuated. He uses them as “what not to do” learning experiences. Ask clarifying questions in a non-threatening way, questions like “What made you do it that way the way I showed you how to do it?” or “What did I say in describing it that led you to believe your approach would be correct?”
When the correct behavior is established, it cannot be assumed that it will continue. From time to time, the behavior has to be praised/rewarded to keep it at a high level. It is the simple process of regularly positively reinforcing good performance and giving additional praise or rewards for outstanding performance.
Once this teaching process is understood and can be practiced effectively, it becomes a time-saving tool. It is actually a time management tool that greatly reduces personal development time.
Also, parents might pay more attention to catching their children doing something right and giving them praise and recognition for doing the right things, rather than focusing on punishing undesirable behavior, accentuating the negative. Also, co-workers and subordinates should be praised/rewarded for doing the right thing instead of waiting for them to do the wrong thing and berating/punishing them, accentuating the negative.
You can avoid the negative approach that causes most parents, coworkers, and bosses to accentuate the negative. Become a better observer of good and bad performance. Periodically reinforce good performance and give extraordinary rewards (raises, bonuses, public recognition) for outstanding performance. When helping a co-worker or subordinate climb the learning curve for a new task, use the “shaping” process described above for better results faster. It’s actually one of many time management skills that can help you manage time better.
Some people hesitate to give praise because they don’t know what to say to the student. If you have that problem, you’ll have a hard time with the “molding” process. Do not transport; there is a good source of things to say giving praise for ever-better performance in the “shaping” process.
Sylvan Learning Corporation helps struggling students, as well as gifted students, learn better and retain more. In one of his posts, 99 Ways to Say “Okay,” there are all the suggested statements you’ll need to accomplish the “molding” process. If necessary, you can customize some of the statements to fit your particular situation. Below are 10 of the 99 statements. They illustrate the kind of simple, yet powerful statements that can help you develop new manual and/or cognitive skills. Statements like these can become second nature to you with practice…
1. That’s it!
2. Everything is OK!
3. Now you’ve figured it out.
4. One more try and you’ll have it.
5. That is the WAY!
6. That’s what I call a good job.
7. Good memories!
8. Well thought out!
9. You are on the right track.
10. Your brain is really in gear today.
Start today with a commitment to praise good performance, both at work and at home. Focus on accentuating the positive and use less than desirable performance as “what not to do” learning experiences. Take a few minutes to build some mental scenarios involving real-life situations in which you practice the above-mentioned techniques for saying “great” the right way at the right time.
