If you had the opportunity to test the waters before getting married by living with your partner, would you, would you, or did you? More and more people are choosing to cohabit before and instead of getting married. Living together before marriage is the norm that couples opt for to see if the relationship will work out. If the relationship goes sour, instead of getting divorced, both people just leave the relationship. “It’s like testing a car,” said Carol. Are we taking relationships to a new level or taking marriage for granted?
With the high divorce rate for first marriages at 51%, divorces for second marriages are at 67% and the divorce rate for third marriages rises to 74%. Can divorce be avoided if couples get together before the wedding? The question is one of morality and preference. Recently, when asked if couples would cohabit, surprisingly, the answers were the opposite of living together with partners before marriage.
I know a tremendous advantage of not living together is that many children are born out of wedlock and if the relationship doesn’t work out, the parents separate and leave the child without both parents in the same home. However, the difference between being married and getting divorced and simply having a child living together is that through a divorce decree, a child support order is established. Still, custodial parents can apply for child support if an amicable settlement has not been reached.
On the other hand, there are some advantages to living together before marriage. On the one hand, they know each other and can determine if marriage is for both of them. Plus, you can save money because you’re now sharing the financial responsibilities. And, the biggest advantage is that if the relationship didn’t work out, you can walk away without any legal intervention and not contribute to the high divorce rate.
It’s no secret that today’s relationships are finding alternative ways of survival. Cohabitation is occurring with same-sex relationships who cannot marry due to the laws in their states. Young couples looking to establish a career choose to delay marriage, but cohabitation is on the rise. And in the interest of saving money, the decision to move in together beats the alternative. Either way, cohabitation is the fastest growing living arrangement among couples. Sometimes it works for couples and the marriage follows. Other times, couples find out that the relationship is not for them and break up without commitment, that is, if a child was not conceived.
Kevin and Diane lived together for two years before deciding to get married. They both said it was the best they could do for various reasons. One of the reasons was that Diane could no longer afford her apartment due to a pay cut and they both decided that she would move in with Kevin. Once together, they both realized that marriage was the next step for them. Kevin said that he had never thought about living with Diane before and that when he needed help from her, it was natural for him to suggest that she move on from her. Once there, he said that was when he realized that Diane was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. “So far so good,” Diane said after three years of being married.
Jack and Tabitha lived together for a year and a half before deciding their future. They both wanted to get married and wanted to live together before they got married. The relationship started very well, but the problems began a year after living together; Jack was trapped in another relationship. Tabitha was devastated, but Jack pleaded for the relationship to work. A few months after her discovery, Tabitha decided that her relationship and future marriage to Jack was not for her. She moved out and their relationship ended.
Is living together before marriage right or wrong? The answer is based on the goals of each relationship and each person in the relationship. At the top of the list, those who were opposed placed religious reasons for not living together before marriage and those who were in favor placed that the relationship was the most important thing and that living together was the next step. Regardless of whether they lived together or not, statistics show that half of relationships living together before marriage never married, and early divorces were imminent for those who did.
With the rising divorce rates of first, second, and third marriages, it seems there are no right or wrong answers. Cohabitation is becoming the new norm and is prominent in certain relationships. The questions, is it right for you and does it work, are ultimately up to the people in the relationship.