I know a marriage in crisis when I see one. I know a relationship that needs attention when I look at it. It takes two people to put the same amount of effort and energy into a marriage to make it work. You cannot ignore doing everything necessary to keep a relationship intact. They say it takes two to tango. It takes two to agree on the direction to go in order for the two of them to walk a longer distance together. Marriage is not imposed on anyone, but it is the culmination of two consenting adults who would have felt in their hearts that this is the direction they wish to take. Along the way, frictions can arise, it is inevitable that they arise because of the differences between the man and the woman and also because of the different backgrounds from which the husband and wife would have come. If people did not manage to adapt to each other, then turmoil begins. This sometimes degenerates into people separating and eventually getting divorced. However, it is not the original intention of the marriage to end in divorce. It is supposed to be a permanent union of two people with a common goal.
1. No communication – Communication is a vital element of a union. It helps the two of you to bond and understand each other’s feelings. Without communication, you can be sure that the relationship will die a natural death. Communication will help build the vision of the family. Help the family grow together.
2. Little or no intimacy: Intimacy is an asset in marriage. When there is little or no intimacy, a mix-up may be brewing. I once received the advice that no matter how much you argue, always resolve the issues to avoid stopping the desire for intimacy with your partner. Nothing should separate you unless you both agree.
3. Everyone does what they want – The two people together should never have separate agendas where one wakes up thinking about something and goes ahead to do it without the consent of the other. Action plans are in sync and indeed communication helps in this process.
4. Lack of accountability with finances and other matters: Accountability is essential in a relationship. Money problems can bring disorder in a marriage
5. There is no joy in the home – There should always be joy and happiness in a home. A home should never be like a prison where smiles and happy moments are at a premium.
6. Pass the Bark – Don’t Take Responsibility – Whenever there is a problem in the house, the guilty party should take responsibility for their actions, apologize, and move on. Whenever blame shifts from one to another all the time, confusion is on the horizon.
7. Keeping secrets – No transparency – There are no sacred cows in marriage. What the wife has, the husband knows and vice versa. Marriages where secrets are the order of the day do not last long.
8. Significant events not celebrated – There are important dates such as birthdays and especially the wedding anniversary. These are important dates that, if ignored, can cause the value of a marriage to decline.
9. The focus is on other things, not the family: Sometimes a spouse can change their focus and reduce it to work, school and children or anything that takes them away from their partner. This is in direct conflict with the values of a relationship where it is about sharing lives and times. Once must simply strike a balance every time.
10. Tendency to hang out and hook up with ex-girlfriend/boyfriend: When a spouse lives in the past, he/she is double minded and should never expect their marriage to last. The commitment must be 100 percent from each side. Having other partners than the one you have is adultery and this leads to divorce.